Comfortable When You Are Alone
I kept this part of my story out so far, but I feel like talking about it now. Since I was a teenager and fell madly in love for the first time when I was 14 or 15, I always considered myself a “relationship-person”. I pictured myself as a woman that will get married in her mid-twenties, have 2-4 children shortly after that and everything 😉
Now when I look back, I realize that I was rather in love with the idea of being in a relationship than in love with the person I was with. But I usually invested in the relationships, I tried a lot to make it work. Nevertheless, after a few years, it always ended in me realizing that this is not it. This is not the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with when I have to work so hard to make it work. Don’t get me wrong, I had actual feelings for my partners, and most of them were great persons (some of them were assholes or too immature, but this is something you only realize later) and there was always the time where I thought that this will be it.
I was in a great relationship for years before I made the move and left the country. A gorgeous decent man, a lot of women would be grateful to have on their side. It is really hard to describe, but I realized, I need to be completely amazed about the future with my partner and not just like “ok, this is all good”.
There is this awesome article by Mark Manson. It is about the law of “Fuck yes or no”.
It basically says that when it comes to relationships, you should ask yourself: Do I want this? And only go for it, when you think “fuck yes” this is it. If you have to think about it then it’s a “fuck no”, there is no maybe. It can only work when you are totally amazed, and this applies also to the other person involved 😀 You wouldn’t want someone to be with you, when this person only things “well, yeah ok. Let’s give it a try, not really sure about it” and wouldn’t you feel bad at some point to be with someone who is totally crazy about you, but you are just “ok” with it?
It can’t work, in my opinion. Therefore, I love this “law of fuck yes or no”. You can basically apply to everything in your life, whatever you wanna do, wherever you go, you should be damn “fuck yes” about it.
I came to Finland on my own and I promised myself I will not settle for anything less than an amazing “fuck yes”. In the meantime, I learned to be on my own, what I basically never really was. And I am happy, I get happier every day. My days. My rules. My plans. It took a while to get there. It needs some time to appreciate the freedom of making your own rules. It’s a process and I still feel like I am working on it. Focusing on myself helped me so much to realize who I am, who I wanna be and how I want to live my life.
I think it’s important to figure these things out on your own, and then you will eventually find a person that shares your ideas of life. But I am not stressing out. Maybe I will never find this person, maybe it happens next week 😀 And if it never happens, I wouldn’t be sad, I would be fine because I am happy with myself and my life – why should I settle for less only for avoiding being alone? 🙂
I am at ease, I am getting to know myself, and I start loving myself because I am developing and changing my lifestyle or habits at my pace, in my way. I think this is a wonderful thing <3